A Look at the Program

Hello there! Welcome to BIKEAHOLICS ANONYMOUS. Now before I tell you about the program, you just need to know that you are in a safe place amongst friends – friends who share your vice and are there to help you get through it. You should note, however, loving a bicycle is not something to be ashamed about. The bicycle is simply another drug that people use as a means to escape the noise that society throws at them on a day-to-day basis.

 

 The bicycle has unique effects that aren’t found in other drugs. Instead of hallucinations and having the symptom referred to by scientists as stuck-in-a-ditchery; you become more apparently fit, stronger, you want to eat better, and you start to ignore certain ambiguities that cannot be problem solved – what we bikeaholics refer to as stress boners.

 

The downward spiral to a user’s rock bottom is when the bike becomes your only companion; baths become trips to the pressure washer, mathematics are only used for gear ratios and suspension dialing, your bed is covered in grease, DOT fluid, and shame - and your children are named Bianchi, Konan, and Maxxis.

 

Now the good thing is that if you have any questions about the program or biking, just keep in mind that I am a bikeaholic who works in the bicycle industry. I will be able to help you in tech, sales, and how-to related questions. Also if you have any suggestions to improve the program just let me know. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s been at least 10 minutes since I’ve seen my bike.

 

-bikeaholics anonymous